You Did Not Just Say That
by superfish01
Summary: Things that you never hear, thing that should never be said or things you wish you heard in the Naruto world…you decide which is which.
1. Chapter 1

**You Did Not Just Say That **

OK…I got seriously bored and couldn't be bothered writing more of my main fic so this is the result.

As the summary suggests, the quotes below are things that you never hear, thing that should ever be said or things you wish you heard in the Naruto world…you decide which is which.

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I feel like doing a D rank today. – Naruto

I'm not crying…I've just got sand in my eye…yeah that's it…really. – Gaara

My mother is a giant racoon? Father had some seriously nasty fetishes. – Gaara

We're men…manly men. – Gai  
In tights. – Lee  
Tight tights. – Gai

My spider senses are tingling. - Kidomaru

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes and 3…2…1 you're under. - Itachi

I think I'm being bugged. – Shino

EWWW! A COCKROACH… GET IT! GET IT! GET IT! – Shino

I'm being followed by a moon shadow…moon shadow…moon shadow. – Shikamaru

Wait…what was that moving in the shadows? – Shikamaru

Every Akimichi knows that food is just shit waiting to happen. - Chouji

Sensei…Sensei…look at what I can make my hickeys do. – Orochimaru

Calm down Anko-chan…it's just a love bite…I swear. – Orochimaru

So…you think that Hinata just has a bad case of puppy love…does that mean that I have to hide Akamaru for a while? - Kiba

I'm not a puppet…I'm a real boy. – Karasu

I must be the luckiest kid on earth…hoe many other kids have their own mobile sand box. – Gaara  
The worst thing about having the Shukaku sealed within me? Getting sand in places I didn't know I had. – Gaara

Whoever said that having two heads was better than one had no effing idea what they were talking about. – Sakon and Ukon

Bugger me! – Anyone within a 5 mile radius of Orochimaru.

This is what happens when you're not allowed to play with dolls when you're young. – Sasori

I can't wait to eat more man meat. - Zetsu

Konan…Tobi has been a bad bad boy…he needs to be punished. – Guess

I need some inspirational music…I think I'll download Sexy Bitch. – Hinata

One time in band camp… - Tayuya

F*****g swear jar. – Tayuya  
F*****g censoring. – Hidan

Stupid blond fan girl. – Temari to Ino

But why can't I play hide and seek with you guys? I'm really good. – Neji

"Something smells suspicious about this." – Kiba  
"You mean that suspicious actually has a smell…Who knew?" – Naruto  
"…shut up, Naruto." – Kiba

Hi big boy… - Ino to Chouji

"Art should be instant, a big bang and over in a second." – Deidara  
"That's you in the bedroom, Deidara. OH BURN!" – Sasori

I'm gonna suck you dry. – Yoroi Akado

Ah…that's where I left that stick. – Hiashi Hyuuga

Ouch...dammit...a paper cut. – Konan

Man...my hand is killing me...FROM WRITING TOO MUCH YOU SICKO! – Jiraiya

Being penetrated from all angles really does hurt. – Naruto fighting against Pain.

Be careful...you really shouldn't play with knives...they're dangerous objects you know. – Tenten

I spy with my little eye something beginning with E. – Neji  
Everything? – Hinata

Alright...it was funny to start with...but now it's just annoying. I'm gonna put in a mission request for Hinata to seduce Uzumaki Naruto...she couldn't possibly fail this time...could she? – Kurenai

Genjutsu is great…now I can make every man a naked Yondaime…hehehe…wait…Naruto didn't change that much. – Kurenai

I think I'm hallucinating. – Kurenai

What do you mean I can't have any? I made a deposit and now I want it back with interest. – Anko at the blood bank.

Ano...do you have a Naruto Uzumaki on file. – Hinata at the sperm bank.

Logic has failed me. I can't determine whether it is incest or masturbation if Naruto has sex with his _oiroke no jutsu. _– Shino

You failed the mission because you thought humming the mission impossible theme song would make you more stealthy? *facepalms* - Tsunade

FALCON PUNCH! Always wanted to try that. – Tsunade

I don't need friends Dobe…and besides…*blushes*…I think Orochimaru likes me…he gave me a hickey. – Sasuke

I wonder what Sasuke values more…his eyes or his testicles. – Naruto

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Well there you have it.

I may add more when I think of them…or if I ever get this bored again.

Alternatively…if you think of something…send it in a review…I'll add it in a second chapter if I get enough (giving full credit to the submitter).

Till my mind wanders that far off the track again.

Cheers,  
Fish


	2. Second Installment

Yes folks it's happened again…I've gone off the deep end, my mind has strayed and I got a little bored while writing my main fic.

To those actually waiting for an update of the Eternal Chimera…it isn't far away.

In any case…tell me what you think.

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**Imagine if a character's fighting style determined what they were like in the bedroom.**  
Sakura and Tsunade – Rough play  
Shizune – Doctors and nurses  
Mei Terumi – Likes it hot!  
Choujiro and Hinata – Have self confidence issues  
Shino – One ace in the hole is good…but two is better…  
Kiba - Is never without Akamaru…  
Shikamaru – Lets his partner do all the work  
Kakashi – Always arrives last  
Ino and Kurenai –Like to play mind games  
Chouji – Expansion Jutsu…enough said  
Tenten – Lots of…props  
Lee and Gai – Stoke her 'Fires of Youth' good and proper…  
Neji – It's not the size of you chakra it's the way you use it  
Kimimaro – Always has a boner  
Hidan – Necrophilia  
Sasori – Always strings attached  
Itachi – It's over in three seconds  
Gaara – Never without protection  
Kankuro – Has to use a doll  
Temari – Blows you away  
Minato Namikaze – Here there and everywhere  
Sarutobi – Requires Divine intervention to finish what he started  
Orochimaru – You know what…let's not go there  
Sasuke – Thinks he's better than he really is  
And Naruto…? – Extensive use of shadow clones

"Ano…Hinata…Kiba said that you're puppies were growing nicely. I was wondering if I could play with them." – Naruto to Hinata

Tenzo gives an all new meaning to waking up with morning wood. Similarly when Kimimaro says he has a boner you'd better believe it!

Ibiki recently added a new member to his torture and interrogation squad. A dentist by profession, the man insists that getting information from criminals is no harder than pulling teeth.

"It's not butter! BELIEVE IT!" – Naruto  
"NO! For the four hundred and thirty second time it's 'I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!" – Advert Director

Having a Hyuuga as a parent would suck, every other parent just jokes about having eyes in the back of their heads, Hyuuga actually mean it.

"You'll do." - Jiraiya's best pick up line.

"I didn't get the name 'Legendary Sucker' just by being bad at gambling ya know?" – Tsunade

"My name's Tsunade, and I've got a drinking problem." – Tsunade at the Konoha AA chapter meeting in ANBU headquarters. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)

"You know, I think I need to go see Ino about this dissociative personality disorder..." – Sakura, rocking back and forth in a padded white room. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)

"Now that I think about it, my hair really DOES look like a duck's a**..." – Sasuke, morning hygiene ritual. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY IDIOT HUSBAND? WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH HIM HE'S GONNA BE BEGGING THE SHINIGAMI FOR MERCY!" – Kushina after giving birth.  
_Elsewhere  
_"It's a good thing I'm gonna end up dead by the time I seal the Kyuubi; I'd rather live in the Shinigami's stomach than face Kushina right now..." – Minato riding atop Gamabunta to seal the Kyuubi. (Submitted by Djinn Crimsora)

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Special thanks to Djinn Crimsora for supplying the quotes with his name noted.

Same as last time. Not sure if this will get update, only if my mind wanders, I get seriously bored or enough people submit.

Cheers,

Fish


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